Being a mother is one of my greatest blessings. When I had my child everyone told me “Don’t blink. Time will pass quickly and she’ll be grown.” Boy, were they right! I’ve watched the years pass in what feels like a split second and when I think on how quickly it goes, it saddens me.
I try being the best mother I can but I feel like I fail at certain things. I always wonder if I’m raising my child the best I can; if I’m doing all I should be doing; and whether or not she’s confident in who she is and how much she’s loved.
I recently read somewhere that you only get eighteen summers with your child and while eighteen years is a long time, that thought put a countdown in my head. It hit me that I only have a few of those summers left before she’ll spread her wings and fly.
Oh. my. heart.
When she was born, my life changed. Yes, my husband and I had a good relationship, but I KNEW more than anything, even as a little girl playing with dolls, that I wanted to be a mother and I’m thankful God gave me the opportunity. I pray that as he’s entrusted me with her that I do my best for Him.
I feel that I’ve poured my heart into her but the realization that I’m raising her to send her out into the world makes me know that my world will change again.
I question “Who will I be and what will I do each day?” when she moves out of the house. I know there’ll be an empty place in my daily happenings. The house will be quiet and my husband and I will have to re-adjust. Life will be…different.
Don’t get me wrong; I know this is part of parenting. It’s my desire to raise her to love God, reach her dreams and have a family of her own one day. I look forward to that.
The emotional part of me knows, however, that I’ll be a mess when that time comes. I mean if it makes me emotional now just thinking about it and dreading it, how will I deal when it actually happens?!
Go ahead and pray for my husband – I’m fully aware of how much he needs it!
Yesterday these thoughts were piled on top of other things that have been weighing on me and I began to talk to my husband and explain. As he listened, he reminded me that I’m thinking about things that are still a few years out. He said, “live in today because we’re not promised tomorrow.”
I’m working myself up over things I have no control over. In other words, I’m worrying about the future and fretting over mistakes of the past.
He’s absolutely right.
The song “One Day at a Time” came to me after our conversation. It says:
I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I don’t know what the next few years hold and I don’t know how it’ll all play out.
All I can do is pray that I’ll absorb each day we’re blessed with and really live in the moment.
Hopefully, she’ll reach adulthood and carry the things we’ve instilled in her out into the world. She already makes it a better place and I’m excited to see what God has in store for her.
And, one day, when she becomes a mother, she’ll understand the love I hold for her in my heart that reaches the very depths of my being.
Until then, Lord for my sake…
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Matthew 6:34 Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.